Dear Cassey: How do I stop caring about what other people think?

Hi Cassey!

My freshman year of high school, this girl (a former friend) always told me to stop eating sugar because I’ll get “fat.” I don’t care about what I look like as long as I am healthy, but her judgment has stuck with me all these years and I still think about what she said to me every time I eat something “unhealthy.” Now, I let everything people say about me get under my skin. I value everyone’s opinion of me too much because I don’t want to disappoint them. This is very tiring to me as I want to be able to be me, but I don’t want to be judged. I don’t want someone’s opinion of me and my lifestyle to bother me this much, but I don’t know how to change my mindset. How can I live my life while not caring about what others think of me? How can I start to feel more confident in my own skin without seeking validation from others first?

Sincerely,

Needing Some Confidence

yellow rubber ducks on a blue background odd one out

Hey Needing Some Confidence,

Wow. Isn’t it crazy that comments from an old friend so long ago have made such an impression on your confidence?! It just goes to show that even if it seems like our words are just words, they’re really not. Those words actually shape the image we have of ourselves…if we let them. And guess what? You’re not going to let them anymore.

Obviously that friend wasn’t the ideal, supportive bestie that you deserve. So my first piece of advice is to make sure you’re surrounding yourself with people who will support your values and lifestyle. You can’t build your confidence and live without fear of judgment if you’re still surrounded with judgy people. Choose your tribe wisely, and don’t be afraid to ask for support – like you’re doing right now! 🙂

Next, do some work to shed the negative image you have of yourself. Journal or make a list about things you’re good at and what you love most about yourself. And don’t be humble. Write it ALL down and read it daily. No one knows you better than you, right? So own those qualities! Then, write down your insecurities. That little voice inside that criticizes you is LOUD. Write down everything that inner critic says that makes you doubt yourself. Next time you feel those thoughts creeping up, you’ll be able to better control those thoughts and meet them with positivity.

It’s super important to remember that people are always going to have opinions. And that’s okay! What I’ve learned is that the people who really like to push their negative judginess on others are usually struggling with confidence themselves. They just resort to dragging others down. Are those the people you want influencing your decisions? Nope. Didn’t think so.

So come to terms with the fact that those people aren’t going anywhere, and focus your energy on how YOU look at yourself. Then, you’ll be able to breeze on by those opinions without batting an eyelash.

My FAVORITE thing to do that makes me feel more confident is to work on myself. Any time I learn something new, set a new goal for my workouts, try a new hobby, or anything like that, I just feel great. When you invest time and energy into yourself, confidence is always the reward. You’ll always grow when you take on a challenge!

I hope this gets a little fire going in you to let go of what other people think and start living YOUR life the way you want to. It may take time, but I’ve learned that small, intentional changes make the biggest difference in my confidence. They will for yours, too!

PS – If you have a burning question you want to ask me, I’m taking questions via text at 510-692-4556. Currently this only works for US and Canada. If you’re outside of those countries, you can leave a question below.