Dear Cassey: It feels like I’m not good enough
Dear Cassey,
Lately, I’ve been dealing with feeling like I’m not good enough and am falling behind in life. I took longer than my friends to graduate and get a degree that I can’t really get a well-paying job with. I have a BS in Exercise Science and it’s a stepping stone degree. Long story short, I thought I wanted to be a Physical Therapist but changed my mind.
All of my friends have well-paying jobs while I’m at a job where most of the time I feel overworked, underappreciated, and underpaid. They have their own places (I still live at home at 27 years old,) and are either engaged or married (I’ve been single for most of my life.)
I can’t stop thinking things like “maybe if I chose a different degree, this wouldn’t be so hard and I’d have a better paying job,” or “maybe if I was prettier, skinnier, and blonder then guys would notice me and I won’t end up alone.” I just feel like I’m getting buried by all of my self-doubt, comparison, and almost anxiety of thinking about the future.
Any advice on how to overcome these and to see the brighter side of things?
Thank you and all my hugs,
Worried I’m Falling Short
Dear Worried,
I hear you.
Your thoughts, doubts, and fears actually sound VERY familiar to thoughts I’ve had myself. And here is the most important thing I want you to know – there is no such thing as “not good enough” or “falling behind in life.”
See, we’re all on different paths. Every single one of us. Even though it seems like there’s this magical timeline we’re supposed to follow to feel like we’re winning at life… in reality, it doesn’t actually exist.
I think pretty much everyone goes through times like this!! Even the people who seem to have it all together sometimes wonder if they should have done something differently. There’s just no avoiding it!
So no, you are NOT falling behind on life and you ARE 10000% good enough. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be.
Even though it feels like these thoughts are consuming you, you don’t have to accept them. In fact, allowing yourself to think this way is pretty much just you getting in your own way. And we can’t have that!
So how do you get out of this weird funk? It’s all about MINDSET. And changing your mindset is a practice. It’s part of self-care.
Look for the positive in EVERY situation that makes you feel not good enough.
You’re unhappy with your job and your degree: Having ANY degree is an amazing accomplishment. Also a degree, no matter what it is, opens doors for you.
You live with your parents: Which might also mean you’re saving money for big moves later!
You’re single: You know how to live independently, which is so important. The relationship you want is out there, and you’ll be ready when you find it.
So no matter your situation, your doubts, or your fears, try to look for at least one positive. There is always a silver lining and an opportunity for growth and change. Which brings me to my next thought – You are in control of your life! Remember when I mentioned that any degree opens doors for you? Keep your eyes open for your door OR create your own door! It might be something you aren’t expecting, but I promise it’s out there… if you’re open to putting in the work. And from one girl who was once lost and confused about what to do with her life to another, the work is definitely worth it.
So again, your journey is your own. And you decide where to go with it! You’ve got this!
PS – If you have a burning question you want to ask me, leave your questions below! I may answer it in an upcoming Dear Cassey post!
41 thoughts on “Dear Cassey: It feels like I’m not good enough”
There are Array41 comments posted by our users.
Thank you for writing about this! It’s like a glo current of inspiration! Very inspiring text! Many people constantly underestimate themselves and think that he is not cool enough in comparison with something. And me too. I constantly think that I’m not cool enough, in terms of my appearance, in my work, I devote little time to my family and this feeling, it gnaws at you until you just relax) And that’s when you relax and just try to do everything in your power and do not deceive yourself, then a certain balance comes to you. What I wish everyone!
Wow. This is so incredibly poweefull.. Thank you so much for sharing this..
I feel like I’m not good enough or not giving enough lots of times.. But I believe in what you say. Thinking like this is standing in your own way. It Realy hits me. I often try to be positive mostly for the lovely and beautiful people surrounding me. I loved reading this. It inspires me to make more room for positivity. Thank you. It’s worth more than anything.
Dear cassey,
Im really inspired by your story on how you used to struggle with your weight, the comments you recieved, how it effected you, and what you did to find self satisfaction and acceptance. I love how positive and encouraging you are it makes working out so much more doable. Growing up i was always extremely skinny so when i finally gained weight in my early twenties i was really excited and embraced my tummy and curves! Then i had my beautiful children got the baby weight. Few years after that the weight stayed and people would ask excitedly if i was expecting again
id always take it lightly and say,”nah im just fat!” It didnt bother me till i noticed im constantly bloated. In the morning my tummy will be flat by night i look so pregnant, very pregnant even my husband would be like,” woah!” 7 months pregnant bloated! i was gassy all day or just…bloated. i had enough i changed my diet, started working out, but then i realized i get bloated after i eat rice, potatoes, sugar, cheese so i cut all that out. otherwise the muffin top, fst in my lower abdomen come back very quickly all my hard work goes down the drain and i have to start over. I still get asked innocently if im expecting again, but this time it does bothers because im really trying. Its frustrating. Im approaching 30 so maybe this is how my body will be, but its really discouraging. Its like i have to be ridgidly strict in not eating eating those foods and id i have to work really hard the next few days just or just be bloated and give in to how tired i feel about all this.
:/
Dear Cassey!
Thank you for being my workout motivation buddy! I feel like you are the big sister I’ve never had. I want to ask you a general question I suppose. I’ve seen your videos from back then and I see the difference in your body. I love how your arms are so lean and toned. To be honest, my arms have always been my insecurity. I have thick underarms for as long as I can remember. I used to avoid tank tops and sleeveless shirts because my arms are just too big compare to other girls. (I’m working on that now, it got better but… still a work in progress..haha) I was also a swimmer when I was younger and competed in high school, so I don’t know if swimming has had an effect on my shoulders and arms… I’ve done exercises try to target to tone them, it didn’t seem to work. Then I started doing F45 for about a year and half, and my arms actually got bigger, though muscular but bigger… I’ve tried so many things but nothing seems to work. These days, I feel like they are just getting even looser and chubbier because I’ve been working from home with limited physical activities. What’s a girl gotta do to have tone lean arms and gain more confident about the way my arms look?
Love lots <3 thank you for being who you are 🙂
Dear Cassey,
What do you do when the system that is supposed to protect you fails you? 2 years ago, when I was supposed to take my final paper before I graduate but my teacher sent the exam schedule to the wrong person and hence I missed the final examination. I went to ask about the exam schedule in the afternoon but found out that it was on the same day in the morning.. so I just missed the exam by a few hours!! Just a few hours! I went to look for the head of department just for them to dismiss me within 10 minutes of entering his office. All I got was “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to retake the module again the next semester”. That was the breaking point. I fell into severe depression after that and there goes the efforts that I put in for the first and second year and my GPA plummet. Now looking back, I realise that they were taking advantage of my mental illness knowing damn well that I won’t have the energy left to fight against them when I’m fighting against anxiety and depression. I though I’ve finally moved on from this nightmare, but now that I am applying to get into a university in my country, the reality that my result is f**k up is causing me to be depressed again.
Our situations are not exactly the same, but I can relate so strongly to the writer of this letter. As you said, most, if not all, of us feel this way sometimes. Hopefully they can take comfort not just in your lovely response, but in all of the comments here saying “Yeah, me too!!!!”
Dear Cassey,
How do I begin or be successful at a 90 day journey despite having an eating disorder history? I have a fairly clean diet (because it makes me feel best!) but I’m also trying to unlearn fear foods and break the all or nothing mindset when I do have treats.. to be able to enjoy one or two and not go binge mode!!
I really am inspired by your 90 day journey and I want to feel my best yet.
Any thoughts? Or ideas on how to see calorie counting and weighing yourself just as data points? (btw I’m far along in recovery that I no longer see a therapist)
Thank you <3
I just wanted to say thank you for posting this question as I 100% relate to it. I have focused on my schooling and career, only to realize now everyone else seems to be married and have kids. It doesn’t help when I hear people say there must be something wrong with people my age who aren’t married. On top of this, my dream job I finally got to is no dream- I’m stuck in it for one more year. I love your response about mindset. Between adjusting my mindset and focusing on self care, I’m hoping to get past these feelings. Thank you for all that you do!
Hi Cassey, I wanted to talk about my body. I know it’s too classic but there it is. I started to workout because i felt like i needed it. I was needed to stop comparing myself with anyone else’s. I always wanted to feel like I’m in home in my body. But I couldn’t. Never. I have kinda long past about workouts but i never felt like i am enough. No matter how hard I tried, I failed. Every time. Starving myself, or go to binges, was my worst addictions. They still are. I don’t no what to do. I guess i need someone to talk but i just can’t. I don’t wanna even go out, talk to people,getting dressed. They all are scaring me. I know you can help me . Loves,Em.
This post is making me CRY!! Today marks the first day of my 90 Day Journey. I want to be able to feel more confident in myself but I have felt so behind in life for so long. Like “Worried” I am at home with my parents, working a job that I never thought I would like because it is not what I got my degree in, single (broke up with ex just before COVID), and am comparing myself to my friend’s lives and those on social media. I am slowly realizing that this is not a healthy way to live and this article just summed up all of my feelings into one bubble. I just have to work on my mindset and keep moving forward. Thanks so much for this much-needed advice! Now I am just trying to look forward to the better parts of life while taking it one day at a time. Thank you so much Cassie! 🙂 <3
Yessss I know it can be hard! You totally got this!
Wow, this post sounds like my life!!!
We are all more similar than we think!
Hi Casey,
I’m currently finishing college and have about a year left and I’m struggling with what my purpose in life is. I thought I wanted to be in the medical field for a long time and then I did some volunteering and shadowing and realized it was definitely not what I wanted to do. That’s the only field I ever saw myself in so when I had to start over from the beginning to see what I wanted to do, I panicked. I am working at a pre- school and I love teaching the kids there and thought maybe I could be an elementary school teacher. I loved school growing up and that’s something I could give to our future generations. I talked with my parents about this but my dad thinks maybe I am “settling,” and not doing something that would use my intelligence. I’m very upset and confused because I don’t want to disappoint my dad but I also want to do something that I love and I am passionate about.
If you have any advice on what to do I would love to hear it, thank you so much!
-Zoe
Dear Cassey,
I work a pretty physical job – lifting and moving heavy items, on my feet all day, and sometimes even climbing up steep areas. After work, I’ll get home and feel too tired to workout, or like I already have and what I did at work that day makes up for not exercising at home. My fear of not knowing how I’m going to feel after work has caused me to skip some of your recent challenges, thinking I’ll not be able to keep up every day. I’ve also thought that taking the evening off is kind of like the “rest period” before another busy, active work day. But on the other hand, I enjoy working out for multiple reasons and I hate to skip it. To start, it helps me feel confident and happy. But I also enjoy seeing where my workouts translate into the real world. If I carry something heavy, I’ll engage my back and biceps. If I’m climbing up a steep area, I’ll engage my hamstrings and thighs. Working out makes me feel more confident and able to achieve these tasks, but also gives me more insight into how I’m doing it. I can physically feel the workout paying off. I think that’s awesome! So even after all that, I’ll still find ways to convince myself that I’m too tired to workout or that I need the rest. What is your advice for taking rest days versus finding enough energy to exercise? Do work tasks count as a day’s exercise, or does it have to be a focused, set-time workout to be rewarding and productive?
Any motivation and advice will be much appreciated! <3
Sincerely,
Seeking the Best of Both Worlds
Dear Cassie, I felt the same way about my body but after reading this article I am feeling better, sooooo THANKS 😍😍
Dear Cassie,
I admire how loving soul you are ❤️
<3 <3
Dear Cassey,
I have been feeling the way Mr/Ms Worried feels and re starting my exercise routine with you has somehow helped to improve my mindset. My mind can rest while working out to your videos. Thanks for writing this and I hope you can have all the best!
Honestly I could have written this question myself. I feel like I am in the same situation. It took me longer to graduate college but I did graduate college and I have my degree which makes me happy and I feel like that is a huge accomplishment. I am 35 and still single with 2 kids and still living with my mom. With the pandemic I have been working on my confidence in posting YouTube videos and going live in my Facebook group. I have also been blogging for a few years.
Dear Cassey,
Hi, I’m 19 years old and I’m at university, and I have a confession to make. I feel like my life is getting down, and I don’t know who to talk, my mum is saying that I just too weak and clumsy and I can’t get mature enough to face the life difficulties. I think I struggle with anxiety but I don’t want to tell anyone, I feel fear when I have to go on online classes or when I have to do a presentation in front of everyone, and I don’t know how to stop this feeling, every time I say to someone that I am not ok they just make fun of me. I’m really tired of this life, I don’t understand why people has to be so bad or why everyone is using me. Please, if you read this, help me, I don’t know what to do anymore…
PS: If I write something wrong please forgive me, English is not my first language.
It’s okay to feel like that especially because of Covid-19 and all and to be honest with you
I feel you I’m also at the same age as you 19,
I felt so tired of everything I didn’t know what to do I just wanted to sleep a long sleep and never wake up.
I’m tired if homeworks, assignments , projects, exams midterms,
It’s like everything is rushing as if I can’t cope with things around me! but then again I have to remember that I have loads of goals i can’t just stop i have to eat time I have to force myself to recharge that tiredness and fill my self with energy I cannot give up!
I was so tired mentally but dying isn’t a solution its not going to solve anything…
Yoga has been very helpful during these times and if I didn’t have the time to do yoga I took deep cleansing breaths and started my work
The moment you start you’ll finish and remember your not alone I’m with you
I hope you’ll feel better and energetic soon
Wishing you all the health &happiness
STAY STRONG 💪 ✨
Hello there
I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling, anxiety is a tough thing to cope with. Let me say firstly, if you’ve got a place at university then congratulations and you are definitely not weak or clumsy! I’m 43 now and I remember how hard I found uni as a 19 year old, I felt way out of my depth. Maturity is learned gradually and at 19 we have a long way to go. Please don’t be tough on yourself. I’m sorry your mum and friends don’t understand your anxiety. We should all know that it’s ok to not be ok but sometimes these feelings are so new to us we don’t understand them. I didn’t even know what anxiety was back then and couldn’t understand why I was struggling and I didn’t understand my friends struggles either. Can you speak to a tutor at uni, they’ll be able to guide you to where you can get support. Don’t be too shy to ask, universities have student wellbeing teams that can help you through. That’s the one thing I would have changed about my time at uni, I wish I’d reached out more.
The pandemic has given us anxiety sufferers a whole new situation to cope with! Learning and working online is stressful, I totally get that. It’s so easy to lose concentration and feel more self conscious, you are not alone there. But it’s only temporary. And presentations are tough for most of us no matter how easy some people make it look. I try to think that feeling a bit of fear gives me an edge and makes me do better! Just be kind to yourself, remember you’re at the beginning. You’ve already reached out by writing this, find someone at uni who can help and guide you through. Life can be so much fun, we can’t let anxiety hold us back. Wishing you the best of luck 😃
Hi Struggling to love myself,
I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Everything you are feeling is anxiety. Mine didn’t hit me until I was 19 as well. I’m so frustrated for you that the people close around you make fun of you. I know how that makes you question wether or not what your going through is in your head or not. I felt I was going insane several times. Your feelings of fear are real and your friends and family need to understand that. I feel I don’t have the right to give you advice on how to handle it since I’m still dealing with it after 5 years. Unfortunately anxiety isn’t a feeling that just goes away but it can be manageable. It helps me to try to figure out what triggers the fears I have. What about online classes and presenting is causing these feelings to surface? Knowing what it really is can help you calm your brain. Our brain is very good at trying to keep us “safe” from the unknown. So it gets scared of things that makes us uncomfortable. You also have the right to change the situation that causes you to feel this way, even relationships. Do what you need to do to make you feel at peace. I hope this was helpful.
Hi Cassey! I’m an 15 year old ( turning 16 in may 2021) I’m so insecure about the way my body looks, the way my double chin looks I feel disgusted. All my friends are skinny when I look at the pictures I feel like I’m the only one having huge thighs and arms…I feel really bad…I do workout everyday and I know that one never gets results overnight but when i feel like there’s no use of working out so hard because I’m not getting any results… I’m so tired of all this .Living in an Indian society is not easy as well and as a girl we have to be perfect in everything no matter what… please help me and I feel so motivated after reading all you post Thank you making each one of us feel so comforted!
Much love
Xoxo
Hey girl i am also from india and i have also lived the life which you are dealing with so as a senior of yours ( just in this situation) i wanna advice you something. Have you ever seen a caterpillar how creepy it looks at that stage but when it comes out from its cocoon after facing a very hard time it looks so beautiful as a butterfly. Just like that you are also a caterpillar right now but very beautiful caterpillar and in your upcoming time you’re going to be super gorgeous. Believe in yourself try working out more hard control yourself while eating and patiently wait for results. Everything is gonna be ok. Bye bye and yes before commenting on indian society please educate yourself about it more because i believe that you also must have experienced its prettier side. Every coin has two sides☺️
Hi Tshering! I have to say that I was really insecure about my body when I was your age. My family would say things that made me think I was fat and not good enough. It was really hard and I went through a cycle of binge eating to try to deal with feeling miserable and working out really hard to try and feel in control and look “perfect”. It sucked. I look back and wish I could hug my teen self and tell her that truly I didn’t need to lose weight to be beautiful and have worth. I wish I could do the same for you. Comparison is truly the thief of joy. It doesn’t do any good to compare yourself to your the people. It just makes you feel bad and you deserve better than that! I don’t think exercising is a great thing to do, but because of the health benefits and not to feel accepted by others. Try to talk to yourself and view yourself like you would your best friend. Would you think the same things about your best friend as you do about yourself? From one girl to another you have so much worth and you don’t need to be skinny to have value.
Family is quite demotivating for my weight loss journey. They say you’ll have to eat as much as you used to so that you don’t loose your inner strength. How much true is it and how to convince my parents if it’s not!?
Also I want you to know that I lost some 9 kgs and now it has become really difficult to loose more.. Like I stayed stuck on 67 for 10 days and now I am 66. Wanna reach 58 atleast. How long will it take?
And yeah!! I love you loads and loads❤❤
I have a query Cassie, sometimes when I do your ab workouts while doing exercises such as bicycle crunches or double leg lifts I feel a unusual sensation in my abdomen, I feel a urge to use the washroom even if I don’t want to.I feel like pissing…..Does anyone else have this problem 😞😞😞
Dear Cassie,
It’s getting harder and harder to be proud of what I have accomplish. I used to be able to say, “The glass is half-full,” but now I just say, “The glass is half-empty.” I can’t be proud of what’s happening around me, and on top of that, I’m realizing something about me that goes directly against what my parents say. Can you please tell me how to be more optimistic?
Thanks so much,
Never Enough
I’ve been having these exact same thoughts.
Dear Cassey,
I just can’t seem to stick with any workout regime. I don’t know if it is due to my lack of motivation, constant procrastination, or just plain laziness. But please hear me out. I stumbled upon your videos when searching for something new and exciting practices to try out and absolutely fell in love with your challenges and workouts. However, I find myself unwilling to continue and I will stop midway through the challenge. It feels like a major disappointment and a huge fail at that. I really want to find the joy and excitement in getting up and completing a workout, but I just don’t know how to overcome my unwillingness. Any tips or advice?
Dear Cassey,
I recently started your workout videos, and it’s brought me so much joy! Since the pandemic, I’ve been struggling with my weight, but finding your videos have brought me motivation to get active and move towards my goals again!
But I seem to be struggling to find a balance between prioritizing my health, my work, and my online classes. I love to start the day working out with you. It sets the tone and makes me feel confident; but I hate that I can’t do that everyday. My online classes are ALSO important to me because they’ll help me with my career goals, which is why I need to spend some mornings (and late nights) working on them as well.
The downside to this though, is that I lost the opportunity to give myself confidence. Most of my clothes don’t fit me anymore, but losing the weight quickly doesn’t seem to bother me as much as needing that confidence to help me through the day. I feel like I have to choose which is more important to me: my career or my health?
Sincerely,
Overworked
Dear Cassey
How can I stop overthinking?
I have an audition to the school of my dreams spread over the next few weeks. I’m excited but also nervous and sometimes I even get so nervous that I start crying for no reason at the end of the day… And the overthinking isn’t helping at all and I end up in this wormhole that just keeps on pulling me down.
I’d love any tip on how I could help myself in times when I start to overthink.
Thank you so much in advance 💕
I love your videos and have been for quite some time 😊
Best wishes
Olga Overthinker
Hi Cassey! I’m currently struggling with weight gain… because of an ED (anorexia nervosa) I’ve lost too much weight, and to allow my body to recover from the extreme stress I’ve put it into, I (obviously) have to gain it back… and maybe even more than what I’ve lost… I’m scared, that I might start to hate the way I look once I gained a few pounds… How can I accept myself while having to gain weight, but not wanting to?
Thank you so much, Cassey, for always sharing your positive and motivating vibe and mindset, it really brightens my mood once I watch a video of you. 🙂
Dear Casey,
I am a young runner and due to COVID I am stuck working out at home and running around my block everyday. I really love running and working out, but I feel like I’m getting tired of this, and I want to keep exercising for my health and to keep me happy. I try to workout and run with my friends, but they are trying as much as I am, and I don’t want to give up my goals just to walk or take a break every second. How do I find motivation to run everyday and push myself? How do I make this more fun for myself?
Thanks,
MOTIVATION MARY
Thx Cassie I really needed to read this. It’s exactly what I have been going trough right now. How did u know you were in the right way despite all confusion. Thank u thank u thank u again.
sending lots of love <3
Dear Cassey, I’m 16 and in the 12th grade. I will soon be giving my entrance exams and I dont know what field to choose. People tell me ‘choose whatever you feel interested in’but I dont know why I dont feel interest in anything! I dont know if it’s my fault. I dont know what degree choose while all my friends are clear either becoming doctors,lawyers, artists etc. What should I do concerning I have very little time left to choose a field
The best advice I can give you, as another commentor, is to get your electives out of the way and explore careers that align with your interests and hobbies in the meantime. You may feel like you have “very little time left”, but you have all the time in the world! Think of the people who don’t finish college until they’re in their 30’s. Or the people who go back to college to pursue an entirely new field in their 40’s and 50’s. You always have time! I hope this helps! <3
Dear Cassey,
How can I enjoy working out more?
I just finished your Beginner’s Calendar. I’m really proud of myself for sticking to working out for a WHOLE MONTH after many, many months of on and off working out/calorie tracking. But I find that I don’t get excited about my workouts, and while I may feel proud of myself when I notice that I’m getting stronger, I don’t exactly feel happy when I get through them. I feel tired, sore, sweaty and BLAH. I also get so discouraged when I don’t lose any weight – I have PCOS and have struggled with my weight since I was about 13. I hear you say a lot in your videos that you should find a workout routine that makes you get excited to do it and feel happy, but I’ve never found that. I’ve tried many different instructors on Youtube, many different types of workouts – walking, cardio, pilates, aerobics… – and yours has been the one that has really stuck with me, even in my on and off phases. I think it’s because of your outgoing personality and uplifting stories. But it still doesn’t spark excitement in me to roll out my mat. Do you have any tips on how to change my mindset so I can look forward to working out, even just a little?